A friend shot me a note the other day which read simply, “Can you please write a blog about boys pissing on the toilet seat?” … To which I immediately replied …
“No, but I can write one about boys pissing into cups and Gatorade bottles and leaving them in their bedrooms … and then hurling them out the window when their mom loses her shit over finding them…”
(My friends know: this is 100% truth and the reason my husband will not drink out of plastic cups anymore.)
Honestly. So many stories still untold. It’s like the Naked City – only there’s usually actual nakedness (because kids can’t find towels because they’re still wet and scattered on various floors).
There’s a reason why all these gems float around my head and never make it to the page. I’ve found myself in that interesting yet ironic state of Perpetually Pissed and Profoundly Proud Parenting: when my entire emotional state fluctuates between one extreme and the other.
Kids cause that.
I don’t know what to write about half the time because by the time I’m done revealing reasons of happiness or reflection I usually want to throat punch someone.
If you think about it, it’s a pretty remarkable paradox. And no matter the ages of my kids, and despite how many times I remind myself that much of what now happens in life is out of my hands, these kids still have complete control over which way that pendulum swings.
My 3rd kid just graduated high school and of course, it was the momentous, magnificent whirlwind of ceremony it should have been. (Disclaimer: this coming from a mom who has repeatedly deemed graduating high school No Big Deal because really, aren’t you supposed to?) But the Kid did alright. Acceptance into a damn good school, a couple of nice scholarships and a bona fide bang-up senior year chock full of awesome memories. My heart’s been full for seemingly months at a go and I will not lie, it’s been a fine, fine time for us.
Welp. My boast balloon burst as soon as I got the text message at work asking if I’d left him a template for the Thank You cards he was writing following his grad party. A template. Followed by his query, “How do I address an envelope?” Good God. Off to college he goes?
To quote a very agitated tween, I just can’t even.
Bringing up the adolescence rear in our household, my youngest, too, turned his sophomore year into an impressive array of academic and athletic accolades. Really, he’s the Mayor. So adored. So praised. But yet astounding that he hasn’t yet choked on the ridiculously short leash we have him on due to all the stupid choices he keeps making. He seems to keep forgetting he is our fourth child and we have seen this movie. And we know how it ends. Lather, rinse, repeat.
To quote another very agitated tween, I’m shaking my head.
But wait — the Jeckyll and Hyde of emotions isn’t limited to the confines of my home anymore either, for even those that have flown my coop (some states may refer to them as “adults”) are adept at keeping my angst ablaze.
Like … my oldest, off in his first apartment (yay!), carrying a full-time job AND full-time school course load (hooray!), excitedly bragging about booking flights for his first “grown-up vacation” (wow!) … which he planned … on the very weekend of his sister’s college graduation. Are you kidding me?
Or … my daughter (she of the above reference) … announcing upon said graduation (pride!) that to begin her first job (congrats!) she would be driving cross country (what?) … to Utah (ummmmmmm) … alone (whaaaaaat???) … and … not to worry .. because everything will be fine…
(End note: in the end, she did not. Due to sheer logistics, not parental pleas. Naturally.)
Sigh. Remember when we thought baby colic and constipation was a thing? (*slaps forehead)
A very wise friend once declared “Little kids, little problems.”
These aren’t problems, I know.
They’re just slices of life that keep that damn pendulum swinging.
And parents already know: life’s pretty amazing dodging that thing.
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Missed the start of A Momoir? Catch up here:
Chapter 2, Click here: https://tinadrakakis.com/2017/08/13/chapter-2-sometimes-kids-suck-a-lot/
Chapter 3, Click here: https://tinadrakakis.com/2017/09/22/chapter-3-sorry-were-tied-all-kids-are-filthy/
Chapter 5, Click here: https://tinadrakakis.com/2018/04/20/a-momoir-chapter-5-the-magnitude-of-the-middle-aged-mom/
Tina Drakakis blogs at Eyerollingmom and was featured in the 2014 Boston production of “Listen to Your Mother: Giving Motherhood a Microphone.” Her work has been featured in NPR’s “This I Believe” radio series yet she places “Most Popular 1984” on top of her list of achievements. (Next would be the home improvement reality TV show of 2003 but her kids won’t let her talk about that anymore). A witty mother of four, she takes on cyberspace as @Eyerollingmom on Twitter and Eyerollingmom on Facebook. and@Eyerollingmom on Instagram.